SMUG-Pie - Peta Faragher
Reason: Peta was once attacked whilst riding outdoors, when sharing the story with the SAS crew she pointed out that this was not a normal Magpie attacking her, this one was 'SMUG', a SMUG MAGPIE or SMUG-Pie for short.
Zwift Course: Watopia Volcano Flat
Music/Band: The Whitlams
IRL Bicycle: Specialized
Years Cycling: Many, many years
Began on Zwift: a while ago
Why do you Cycle?: To get attacked by Magpies.
Formerly a swimmer then runner, Peta started cycling after a string of running injuries that began with tripping over a bright yellow hi Vis road sign and breaking her arm.
Generally accident-prone and with an amazing ability to attract 'Swooping' Magpies, has not yet fallen off the trainer but it's bound to happen at some point. She races IRL given enough peer pressure and occasionally pretends to be a triathlete.
Peta's nickname is 'SmugPie' as she was stalked by a Magpie she later described as 'Smug'... She Leads our 'SAS SUNRISE' morning ride on Wednesdays.
To celebrate the festive season I have been very busily writing a poem.
This is based on true events!
A Very BADger Christmas
T’was the week before Christmas and with great frustration,
SMUGpie pulled SMUGcat down from the tree decoration.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
SMUGpie hoped there would be lots of bike gear in there.
But BADger’d been naughty, and though that wasn’t new,
Poor Santa, he didn’t know quite what to do.
He paced up the hall to the phone by the door,
Picked it up from the cradle and pressed speed dial 4.
“SMUGpie” said Santa “That BADger’s been trouble!
I need you to help sort him out on the double!”
“His BADger hole’s filthy, of that I am certain!
The tiles in the bathroom, the kitchen, the curtain!”
“Oh no!” said SMUGpie “I’ll help sort him out
If he doesn’t get presents the BADger will pout!”
Once again SMUGpie rescued the tree from SMUGcat,
The she picked up the phone and she called the Wombat.
“That BADger!” said Wombat “he just won’t behave!
I think we need help – I’ll call Gopher Dave”
“Thanks Wombat” said SMUGpie “but will that be enough?
I’ll call JP, he’s heavy metal tough!”
“In fact, you know what, I’ll put out the call!
I’ll message the ride leaders, message them all!”
Gopher wanted to help but lived too far away,
And Ghengis was just way too busy that day.
Queen Bee Angela was summiting 7 mountain peaks,
Ratty Matt with new baby, had not slept for weeks.
Barry was shopping for pies for next year,
Lyle couldn’t drive as he’d just had 3 beers.
Sloth Gavin was sleeping as sloths tend to do,
So SMUGpie picked up the phone and she called BADger, too.
“Santa just called me from the North Pole
Said you won’t get presents if you don’t hoover your hole!”
“But I can’t!” Said the BADger, with great dismay,
“My Hoover’s been broken since last Friday!”
SMUGpie took SMUGcat from the tree one more time.
My goodness that SMUGcat sure liked to climb.
SMUGpie posted on Facebook “please help us, it’s dire!
Does anyone have the vacuum we require?”
“I would help” said David, “I could be there by eight!
I’d ride down with my Hoover…but they’ve shut the gate”
SMUGpie’s phone rang again, it was Kiwi Glenn calling.
He found the whole situation kind of appalling.
Said Glenn to SMUGpie “I know just what to do!
Call up Jim’s Cleaning, have them send out a crew!”
“What an idea, Glenn!” Said SMUGpie with glee
She called up Jim’s Cleaning, they got there by three.
BADger’s hole was so dirty, it was really disgusting,
They set about scrubbing and mopping and dusting.
The Zwift cave was worst, needed cleaning somehow,
“Let me help!” Said the BADger, and grabbed his Shamwow.
After 10 long hours they were finally done.
The BADger hole was tidy, it glistened and shone.
“Thank you!” Said BADger and he bid them goodnight,
He happily hopped into bed, snuggly tight.
SMUGpie and Santa were both so relieved,
Now Santa could bring BADger presents that eve!
A very Merry Christmas from all of us here!
Have a safe festive season and happy New Year!